HAH!!! Finally got a hold of that big goofball's phone. Now, let me impart a bit of wisdom and knowledge to y'all. Deadpool is in the house now, baby and things are gonna be different. I've read this bozo's reviews and, well, they're sadly lacking. There's no pizzazz, no panache, no style. So... here I am. Uncle Wade is taking over and you're gonna thank me for it!
What the...?!? Are you kidding me? How many of me are there around here?!?
Dig my X-duds!!! Got this spiffy outfit when I joined up with Chuck's group. Whaddya think? Pretty snazzy, amirite? I mean... your outfit looks cool too, but I'm part of a bona fide do-goody goo...
Shut it! That's my line!!!
$#@%^ you made me drop his phone... heeeeeeyyyy nice crotch shot! Check it out!!!!
DUDE!!! I've got a great idea!!!! I heard the big guy talk about retro figures... yeah, you're not super retro, but let's review YOU!!!!
Cool, so what do I have to do?
Just go in that white and black box thingy, I'll turn on the lights, you start posing, and we'll take some sexy photos for "Merc Monthly!" and then I'll write some stuff about how great you are. After all, I would know best!
Sounds easy enough, I'm in.
All right... now go and... hey, where's your stuff? You got swords, but you come with other stuff right?
Yeah, I've got two fancy spaceguns... would have preferred my Desert Eagles, but whatever. Got my two katana and I've got Strong Guy's head too! *snicker snicker*
Heheheheheh... nice! Anything else? That doesn't seem like a lot. Kinda disappointing. Why did they give you sci-fi looking guns?
Beats the $#@! outta me. They work though and they look good. How do you think I got Strong Guy's head? *Hmmm... come to think of it... how DID I get Strong Guy's head and where's the rest of him?
Nobody cares, we'll figure that out later. So... uhhh, I gotta give you some grade. I'll give you a D for Deadly. Deadpool got weapons!!! Now, I think we have to talk about how you look... strike some poses for me, baby!!!
NO!!! Not like that... geez, look... I want you to pose like this...OWWWW!!!! What the %#@!#$
Now pick that thing up and get outta my photo shoot, ya dweeb!!!
FINE!!! *Sigh* An artist is never appreciated in his own time. Look what you did to my hand. Jerk. To think I'm trying to tell people how great you are.
Even though I'm $&*^@#$ at you right now, I like your blue costume and the yellow pouches and stuff. Nice brown belt, I even like how you got our logo in YELLOW! Your boot swivel is poorly painted though and you can see the lines break. Tsk Tsk Tsk the Red X is a nice touch... but man, too derivative. Did Cyclops know you raided his wardrobe? You don't even have any shading, but overall, you're still pretty handsome... ohhhh, you.... I just can't stay mad at me for long! Even in your X-Men uniform, you are still one gorgeous hunk o' merc! I'mma give you a D for Dashing Deadpool!!!!
So, this specimen can bend and move. He can look up, he can look down, I bet he thinks he can look all around. Though, I will admit, he's got nice butterfly joints and his arms and shoulders work ALMOST as nice as mine do! He can lift his arms up over his head and his biceps can swivel *jeally*. His elbows are pretty bendy too and his hands can spin and hinge. *Heh, I've got more, and he's just stuck in grippy mode. He should bend forward and back better, but his yellow strappy thingy gets in the way, which kinda sucks. His waist swivels, so he can bust out some outrageous dance moves, but man... talk about weak splits. I can get my legs wider than that... *that's what she said!!!* But you've got a nice thigh cut and your knees bend in really well. The boot cut works and your ankles hinge and pivot really nice, bro! I dig that. Your moves may not be like Jagger, but I think we'd beat Star Lord in a "Dance Off". I'll give you a D for Durable Deadpool because you can move and not break!
You really mean that? *sniffle* That may be the nicest thing anybody has ever said to me. Sorry about lopping off your hand, bro.
It's all good. Reattached and healed up. You know the drill. So... let's see, we talked about what you got, how you look, and how you move. What else does that big doofus... oh yeah... Say, how much were you?
I heard him say something about finding me in some store called "Ollie's" for like $10. Cheap. I think I was originally like $20 or something.
That's not bad, kind of insulting, but still not bad. I guess we'll give you the D for uhhhh... DIRT CHEAP Deadpool!
All right, so that's it. Four D's must mean this guy is pretty cool. Why don't you go find one for yourself? I love him, and NOT at all because he's just another pretty version of me, but seriously, he's a cool toy!
Hey man, this was fun and all, but I think Chuck is talking in my head... gotta run and go save the JV Squad again! Think I got time to stop off for a chimichanga?
DEADPOOL!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? GET AWAY FROM MY COMPUTER!!!!
Gotta run! See ya later!